In January, I spent 2 amazing weeks in Mexico. Afterward, I went back home to the comfy suburbs for about a week until I was back in LAX getting my luggage through TSA again, this time on my way to the Philippines with my partner, Garrett. About 16 hours later, we arrived in Manila, greeted with the uncomfortable yet familiar sticky humidity and lines of cars competing to stop at the terminal pick-up area. We observed as families embraced and hurriedly loaded luggages and Balikbayan boxes into SUVs, taxis, and vans. A foreigner or two was picked up by their hired ride. Garrett and I were met by my mom’s twin (basically my 2nd mom) and husband. My aunt had the biggest smile on her face as she said, “Welcome home, Ineng!!” And then off we went onto Manila traffic.
It was interesting to hear that—“Welcome home.” I was born in the Philippines, lived in Parañaque, Manila, and even went to elementary school there until I was 6. It’s all so vivid yet so far away from me. I cherish the time I grew up there, but if someone were to ask where I’m from and where I consider home, I just think of LA County, Southern California. It feels weird to think about, but Manila was my first home after all.
For the next 2 weeks, Garrett and I would be traveling through my mom’s ancestral home, my paternal aunt’s new house and farm, Bohol, Cebu, Puerto Princessa, and El Nido. It seemed like a lot of time, but in between all the travel days where we had to take a ferry or plane to go from place to place, I wish we had even more time to spend at my mom’s ancestral home as well as time to travel up north to places like Vigan, Baguio, and Banaue Rice Terraces! It’ll just have to be another trip.
This trip was the first time I traveled like a tourist in the Philippines. I’ve only gone back once before in 2016, for my Lolo’s funeral sadly, and that time was of course spent mostly with family in my dad’s ancestral home in Tondo. This past February was the first time I had gone around in my home country without any family leading the way and deciding the itinerary. Since my partner doesn’t speak or know any Tagalog, I really did most of the talking. It was funny when our guides/drivers would speak in English, but as soon as they heard me speak in Tagalog, they would sigh in relief and only speak in Tagalog for the rest of the day. I ended up being a translator too, but at least it allowed me to practice more Tagalog. I speak pretty decently, but have a rough time remembering specific words and have to use Tag-lish sometimes, lol.
Often, I have wondered what my life would have looked like had my family stayed in the Philippines. Would I have had the traumas I currently suffer now? Would they be different traumas instead? Would I have had the privilege to study illustration in college? Would my parents have been encouraging of that pursuit? Would I have had the same opportunities? Maybe not. But maybe they would be different opportunities. I really don’t know. I probably would’ve been closer to my dad’s side of the family though. I think that would’ve been really nice.
I can’t really explain the yearning that comes for a place you were born in, but didn’t really get to know because you were taken out of that place when someone else decided for you. I don’t know if that makes any sense. All this to say, I hope I get to visit again, sooner rather later.
In other news, my Palestine Sunbird stickers are still up in my shop! I’ve had a good chunk of orders already, but I think we could use some more donations! Spread the word and help a family evacuate Gaza!
Til next time.
Wow Princess, I loved this so much! Its was so incredibly relatable, I really felt and understood that yearning you talked about. It’s so fascinating to see that we both had a similar journey halfway across the world, ended up in the same place and crossed paths. When you think about it, there’s so many people that leave their home countries to come here but idk haha there’s something different about being brought here at that age. You didn’t get to make the choice, you just live it and you’re old enough to remember it all but young enough to blend in.